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What you see is what you get; Sometimes You Have To Judge The Cover of The Book [Discussion]
We are told to never judge a book by its cover but isn’t what you see what you get? Did you know that certain images do set off red flags about an individual when we really take a look at them.
I am talking about looks. Physical characteristics like healthiness, personal hygiene and speech can give us insight into potential partners and they should be observed. You need to know what you are getting yourself into (like reading a contract) when you get in a relationship with someone. This way instead of spending time trying to change a person you can use that energy to love who you are with.
What I am not discussing here is looks in the sense of things like whether a person is dark skinned or light, wears make up or not, or has long or short hair, as these characteristics don’t harm the other spouse. I am talking about physical traits that can cause damage to both people. This is something much deeper.
What does she mean?
Healthiness: America, especially the black community, has an obesity problem. I should know because I struggled with it my whole life. I am not saying big people can’t love or be in love too but you should see at least if the other person is attempting to lose weight i.e caring about their own health. Other unhealthy habits to look out for are smoking (you could die from secondhand smoke), alcohol use (are they just an an occasional drinker or do they have an addiction) sex addiction, and much more.
Personal Hygiene: Your mate doesn’t need to be a fashion model but you can see if they care about: their appearance, wash their hands after they use the bathroom or before they cook, can they do laundry, and do they try to have a neat appearance (i.e. iron their clothes, don’t wear stains, etc). People who do not care about personal hygiene give off warning signs of laziness, uncleanliness, and an uncaring attitude about themselves. Will they keep a tidy home or make you their maid?
Speech: I am not saying your mate needs to be a grammar scholar, however, how they speak says a lot about who they are. Things to watch out for are: manners, respect, professionalism, integrity, and tact. By seeing how a potential mate effectively communicates can key you into their personality . Words can be signs of a verbal abuser, malicious controlling person, anger management issues, and/or harbor hateful feelings. You can listen to see if they use any stereotypes or use derogatory language like racial epithets to describe the opposite gender, other races, and other groups of people. How one speaks shows a lot about a person. Do they call women ho’s, men dogs, or talking about Asian people’s eyes?
Looks are important and unfortunately, we are looking pass some “warning signs” because we are so lonely, desperate, or so nice that we give people the benefit of the doubt because we don’t want to be “judgy”. Instead, we become blind and not see what is right in front of us. Sadly, taking ourselves for granted like this leaves us used and feeling dumb. Not seeing these warning signs can spell big trouble for us down the road. There is no harm in looking at the back of a novel before we buy it.
What do you think? How important are looks to you? Please leave comments below.