Resolving Serious Issues With “Friends”

By Kashif Ross on

Conflict happens. If you’re in any type of relationship(s), it’s likely that you’ll bump heads. But how do you resolve that conflict?

Most “specialist” in the field of social interaction will tell you that in order to resolve a conflict, you have to sit down and talk about it. You need to take deep breaths and blah blah blah. It’s garbage. Why? Not every one handles a conflict the same way.

Let’s say you have a friend that likes arguing. They’re constantly starting debates and challenging you for every opinion you have. Will sitting down and trying to be calm get the point across? No. You’ll probably have to study for this person. You need to get all your facts in order and prepare for war. There will be shouting. You will scream, but if you go in prepared and knowing that you two will stay friends no matter what, arguing may be the solution.

What about the person that’s always withdrawn and curled in a corner. They don’t like expressing their emotions and hate talking about feelings. Maybe something traumatic happened in their past and they try avoiding lengthy discussions because it makes them uneasy. Should you use “When you…” and “I feel…” type of sentences? No. You have to find out how that person deals with their issues and present it to them in a way that they can relate to.

Conflict resolution in friendships isn’t about putting the person on your level. If you have beef with a friend, you need to find a way to let them know so it doesn’t hurt that person. If you really love him/her, you’ll do what makes them feel comfortable. No matter what.

If your friend likes texting, write them a text message. If they hate phones, talk face-to-face. If they’re constantly on Facebook, send a message (don’t write on their wall no matter how much they love it). Keep your business private.

Okay. So you know how to resolve a conflict, but what happens when one is brought to you? What if you like being told things directly like, “This bothers me when…” However, your friend comes at you with, “You know what I hate? Whenever you do stuff like…” You’re in a public place and emotions start roaring. No matter how hard you try to fight it, the rage is building up in you. This friend has blatantly disrespected you. What should you do?

I’m sorry to tell you this, but do what makes you comfortable.

I’m not a psychologist (though I did study psychology). I definitely ain’t your local pastor. Shoot…I might not even classify as someone who can give solid advice, but do you. If you need to get up and walk away, do it. If you want to argue and yell, more power to you. If you feel that you should hear the person out and decide things later, great! Just have peace in your heart. Don’t let articles tell you about what makes for good relationships or a happy life without forming an opinion of your own. Only you know about you. All these stupid psychological studies forget to tell you that their advice only works for a certain percentage of the population. Reading a book or listening to someone else’s advice won’t solve all of your problems.

Life is about living. Experiment. Fail or succeed. But most importantly, do your best to make you and those around you happy.

You can’t please anyone else if you don’t have joy in your own heart.

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About Kashif Ross

Kashif Ross is a California grown writer. He's obtained two degrees that most people have never heard of, a bachelor's in Social Ecology and a master's in Gerontology. Initially, he used writing as therapy to block out all of life's stressors. Overtime his hobby evolved into a passion that made his spouse a writer's widow. When he's not devoting every spare minute to his "Barcode" series, Kashif can be found jamming out on Rock Band, embarking on adventures with manga characters in his twisted mind, or outside playing hide-and-seek with the sun.