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Listening: Can you Hear Me Now? [Discussion]
Have you ever been in an argument with a significant other in which you thought your point was heard only to find out later that the other person heard something totally different?
Listening is more than just getting sound through your ears. It encompasses actually understanding what is being said, the meaning of it and what this all means. It does not matter if, as couples, we can deliver our messages clearly if we do not retain the other person’s responses. In order to actually listen, instead of just hearing, what your spouse is saying you must do your part. First, get to know how your mate speaks. For example, this is a typical situation between my husband and me:
Me: “Hey honey, do you want some water from the kitchen?
Hubby: “Sure, I’ll get it.”
Now naturally I came back to the living room without the drink thinking in my mind that he was getting it himself. After a few months living with him, I realized he actually meant that “yes, I want one.”
This brings in my second point. Instead of me getting mad at his word usage, I adjusted my own understanding of him. I did not try to change him (i.e. tell him to change how he talks) but rather changed myself. I know my man was born in Georgia and I am from Maryland so there will be language barriers that need to be considered when we speak to one another.
Many times arguments arise out of a simple listening mishap and could have been solved by simply trying to focus on the conversation more. This can be done by: (1) limiting distractions (television, cellphone, and/or videogames), (2) taking the person’s true meaning into consideration, and (3) taking notes during a conversation.
To see if we understand what is being said to us we can try to relay the messages back to the individual speaking for more clarity:
Me: “Did you say you wanted me to bring the water to you?”
Hubby: “Yes, thanks babe.”
Conflict and issues arise in every relationship. Yup, got it. Try giving feedback the next time you talk to your spouse to see if you truly are truly listening to them. It may change a few things in your situation.
What are your thought? Let us know. Leave a comment below.