Human Sexuality 101: Sexual Expression

Hello class,

Today’s lesson is about expressing your sexual desires. How many of you out there are afraid to communicate your lusts, desires, and urges to others? I imagine there are quite a few hands raised out there. Let’s be real, there’s no way in hell you plan on telling someone what you want to happen in the bedroom.

It’s difficult. People might think I’m weird. It’s just…awkward.

The reason so many of us struggle to express ourselves sexually, especially as Black folks, is because it’s taboo. Sure, we’ll rag on Kim Kardashian all day. The R. Kelly video was a sight to see, and probably one of the first times you watched something like that with others. But that’s as far as we’ll go. After the R. Kelly or Kim Kardashian video, I doubt there were many people that turned to their friends and said, “I would love to try that,” or “That really turned me on.”

It’s weird! We can’t talk about doing “the nasty” in public.

You better! Oppression only leads to obsessive depression.

When you try not thinking about something, it only festers in your mind even more. For example, if I said don’t think about a blue bear. What color bear will you picture? The only way to avoid thinking of a blue bear is to imagine something else, like a pink panther, but some time later today, it will come up in your mind. Blue bear!

Here’s another question, class. Who here is proud of their penis or vagina? If you have both, who is double proud?

I know people that are afraid of the technical word for their private areas. I’ve even heard doctors refer to the penis as a banana. Why? It’s a body part. It’s a piece of you. Why does the word upset parents, pastors, or people?

Men are raised to believe that their penis is mighty. It penetrates and pierces. It’s stern and strong. They go around bragging about size and the amount of work it has put in as though it had a degree and operated a forklift on a nine to five.

Still, many men aren’t willing to express the delicacies and sensuality. They don’t want to talk about what’s pleasing unless they’re attempting to get into some girl’s pants. There’s no eloquence or grace to our anatomy.

Women experience another life. They’re told their vagina is a flower or a loving home. It’s meant to be guarded or others will break in. They never explore its beauty, and many don’t know their own fragrance. Worst of all, most women have never taken a mirror or picture and analyzed it.

My penis is simply another body part. I accept it and talk about it. If it hurts, I mention it. If my bladder is packed, I state, “I gotta pee.” When speaking with my wife, I’m a bit more vulgar. Whatever the case, I refuse to ignore a part of me.

I wasn’t always this way. It took some psychology classes and an empowering trip to the Vagina Monologues to become more expressive. (That’s right the monologues can help a man out too). I don’t know what will reach you, but experiment until you find it. Don’t be ashamed with your desires and needs. Try writing them out. Research your ideas. Join discussions in online forums. Talk to a professional. Just be careful not to tell someone who isn’t supportive. Hold off until you’ve built your confidence.

Good luck.