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Ask Nicole: How Do I Get Over Infidelty & Move On With My Marriage?
I recently found out that my husband cheated on me while he was deployed. For the sake of my children and preservation of my family I have decided to make it work, however I am having a hard time getting the mental picture of him being with someone else out of my mind. How would you suggest I go about getting over his unfaithfulness so that I can begin to work on our marriage?
First, let me send hugs your way for this is definitely a difficult situation. I commend you on your strength and courage to do what you feel is best for you and your family. Being a military wife as well as a combat vet I know the hardships of both jobs. That being said, here are a few tips to help you on your way.
L is for Let Go: Let go of the mental images you have by replacing them with the good ones you have of you and your husband. Holding on to those negative images only will make you angry and keep you trapped in this incident. Free yourself first by clearing your mind with positive images and memories you have already by looking at photos and going to familiar places you and your husband cherished before this happened.
I is for Investigate: Try to figure out why the affair occurred. Was this infidelity due to your husband’s loneliness overseas or something deeper? This information will help you move passed this affair. You will know whether it’s worth your time and effort to stay in the relationship. It will take time but forgiveness will help you make it through.
V is for Visit: Visit with a marriage counselor either through a chaplain or outside means. It will take a lot of work on both you guys’ parts to get passed the affair and to rebuild trust for a continued relationship.
E is for Examine: Examine your husband’s behaviors to see if he is truly remorseful for the event and that he is working just as hard- if not way more- to save the relationship. You cannot save your marriage alone. Examine yourself and your reasons for sticking through it at all so you can make it through the hard times and when those negative thoughts creep back in your mind.
Marriage is a long and hard road which tests the love of the individuals involved. Through hard work (especially on your husband’s part) you two can survive.